Emily and Alex here. So, a while back during one of our many shenanigans where we spent far too much time in a car together and started going loopy, we started this thing where we would take weird shit we said and turned it into a failed memoir titles. This started after we read Mindy Kaling’s book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns). If you haven’t read it and you even remotely like anything we have written on here, you need to get up right now, find a book store, and buy that shit. You can come back and read this later. We would be offended if you didn’t.
Anyways, without giving too much away, she does a chapter where she gives you alternative titles for her book and they made us laugh, so we took the concept and ran with it. Here are a few of our tittles so far:
1. I Can’t Color With this Fuckery: The Story of Roseart
We don’t know how we came up with this one, but it is representative of all of us in a weird way. You know growing up when you wanted to color but someone had cheap, waxy, Roseart crayons? So no matter how epic the drawing could be, it still looked like crap. This represents us because we seem to have a lot of good ideas but our life is like a Roseart crayon, leaving us with a lot of halfway decent projects that don’t mean anything.
2. Hysterical and Aggressive (Stories of Being in Your Early 20s)
This one actually kind of works for a memoirs for our early twenties collectively. Especially if you add drunk to the title somewhere. It would be a bunch of stories of drunk blunders and lots of hungover existential crises.
3. Welcome Aboard the Shart Shuttle
This one comes with a story. We were on a road trip to Watsonville to see our friends for a birthday and a Smart Shuttle comes driving by, but by this time in the trip delirium had already long set in. Alex thought it said Shart Shuttle and was very concerned. Plus, let’s be honest if you saw a book called the Shart Shuttle you would have to at least read the back cover.
4. I Can’t Stop Twerking
Vegas does things to the body that one can’t explain except by alcohol and severe lack of sleep. Apparently to young white girls like us it makes us think that we can twerk. Just like Miley, we couldn’t stop.
5. I Can’t Stop Twerking 2: I Got Shinsplints from Twerking too Much
No explanation needed.
This is just five of our long list that’s growing. If you want to read more of these you have to do a few things. First off, we are on twitter now! Follow us @awklifeblog! Second, tweet us (@awklifeblog) your failed memoir titles (@awkwlifeblog) and use the hashtag #FailedMemoirs. We will pick our favorite one and post it in our next “Failed Memoir” post.
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